Perfect for: Emotional Intelligence, Relationships, Listening
Length: 272 pages
Depth: Non-technical, full of stories
This book aims to apply Dale Carnegie’s communication and leadership advice to the modern digital world. It focuses on how to build relationships, form trust and ultimately influence people; both in person and via the internet.
All the Feels:
Some good actionable items with regards to listening better and genuinely caring about other people and their interests. However, I found a lot of the advice was focused on being agreeable. This is not surprising given how our society had shifted towards agreeability and “everyone’s a winner”.
My Main Takeaway(s):
Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. It is not necessary to criticize or shoot down others in order to make your point. Make your point understood without bad mouthing others in the process.
Be non-self-interested – To build true Influence you need to express true and genuine interest in others, their ideas and their passions. By nature, we are self-interested. Learning to use this to your advantage is the key to gaining trust and influence.
Listen better – Truly listen and ask specific questions. Don’t ask “how was your day?”. Instead ask “what was something funny that happened to you today?”. Ask follow up questions and put the other persons interests and emotions first. Keep your problems to yourself and focus on the person you are talking too. This can be done in person but also online via comments on social media and blogs.
Open up – Be authentic and don’t be afraid to share personal experiences. Doing so allows the person on the other side to become part of your journey. Additionally, they will feel more comfortable opening up and the relationship will deepen. This is part of finding a common ground to connect on.
Add value to others and leave them a bit better off than before. While you may have some big picture goal in mind, every small interaction you have with others is what you will be judged on. Each person will craft their opinion about you based on your interactions with them, not your overall grand vision.
Begin with praise and appreciation and then deliver your counter or opposing opinion. Follow the praise with “and” instead of “but”. When you use “but” it just sounds like your buttering the person up before giving your honest thoughts. Therefore, the praise becomes meaningless when a “but” follows it.